Things are against us

December 20, 2013 · 1 comment

‘Resistentialism‘ offers a theory as to why my children and I felt our truck was trying to kill us one winter day. (Stephen King might also have something to do with it.)


Sounds hilarious, except if you almost freeze to death in your own driveway and only manage to unsuperlock yourself by pressing the right buttons on a key fob in a panic while your daughter chants “we’re going to die, we’re going to die” with a background chorus by your son of “nah, we have sandwiches”. I believe I was keening while repeatedly trying to unlock the door over and over and over in  utter claustrophobic bewilderment at our sudden imprisonment.

Okay, so I guess we weren’t that close to freezing to death as I did manage to reverse the super lock feature I didn’t even know existed. But had that scenario unfolded while on the side of some dark road during a snow storm or worse, on a hot afternoon when car temperatures can rapidly climb… say with a dead FOB key thingy (which disables the feature) and perhaps nothing to break to the glass and get out, it could have been grim… or at least really, really, boring and stupid, interspersed with terrifying and claustrophobic… and it’s not as easy to break car glass as you might think… my daughter repeatedly threw her lunch bag at the window in an effort to “get out”… unsurprisingly that didn’t work.)

It turned out that we unknowingly had a feature in this truck called “super lock” which essentially deadbolts the car and disables the engine (in some misguided attempt to prevent theft of the vehicle… yes, you might die trapped in this damn car if you happen to activate while inside of it but NO ONE will steal it… the idea being if someone breaks the window the car then activates the super lock feature which disables the engine and essentially locks down the car to prevent it from being driven away… wouldn’t you think the thief, if of the foul tempered variety that probably characterizes many thieves, might then beat the shit of the car out of a sense of frustration?)

The “living shit out of it” part being of interest here, because  ‘resistentialism‘ is the funny sort of belief that inanimate things can be “out to get us”. Cars don’t have “living shit”. Or at least not yet.  I illogically felt our truck was trying to kill us that day, and to be honest, I still dislike “it” and can’t seem to shake the uneasy feeling I have each time I have to risk my life drive it. Which is absurd… I know, but still…

And a couple of months back I mentioned in another post that my laptop battery also tried to kill our whole family exploded.

So the whole concept of technological autonomy (which I’m learning about through coursework) is really hitting home. (Other than that, I find the whole concept reallyyyyyy boring and is why I’ve taken a much needed break to do this blog post to wake up.)

So, yeah. Look out for those machines.

beware of the toaster

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