I’m parking this blog for a bit… I need an internet fast in order to actually get some things done. Or not get them done, but know it isn’t because I’m wasting time tweeting or blogging or posting or reading endless amounts of science and research news etc. (for no real reason — for example I was just reading a study about circadian rhythms… WHY? I’m not a researcher, nor have I been commissioned to to write a story about such… but that’s what I’m doing… nothing wrong with that, except that at this point there are other more vastly pressing things for me to be attending to… you know?)
Years are flying by and I feel I’m standing still. I’ve stalled. This evening my son remarked that in six years he would technically be an adult. I felt I had been kicked in the stomach. Because to me, in mom time, he looked like this a moment ago:
I remember I used to have this (bad) dream where I was in the locker bay at my old high school and when I looked around I realized I didn’t know anyone… and then I realized it was because all my friends had long ago graduated but I forgot to attend school and so here I still was… trying to remember my locker combination, but couldn’t… because I had missed so much school… I frantically searched the walls for the pictures of the graduating classes.. trying to see what year it was… so I’d have some idea of how much time I had lost. Where had I been? Why didn’t I realize I had to attend? How could I have not noticed the time passing?
I’ve been wasting a whole lot of time drifting around in an endless digital sea… It didn’t start off as drifting, but it has turned into that.